How to connect with your inner self through journaling.
Leading questions I’ve been using to explore myself and create a greater sense of mental and emotional well-being. And, what I learned on the way.
Whether I’m seeking professional growth or a better situation in my personal life, the journal is what I found to be the most intimate, liberating and cheerful companion of my journey.
Through writing I got connected with my inner self; I learned how to bring more clarity, calmness, and serenity into my life. By being more compassionate and kind with myself I spread more positivity on to people around me.
A beautiful habit that is hard to start
I started more than 3years ago when I used to go to a cafe, sit down, have a coffee while describing what I saw from the window and how I was feeling every morning. I often felt blocked by not knowing what to say, even wondering whether there was something worth saying at all. Whenever I struggled with something, for example at work or within a relationship, journaling came natural, no force needed. That’s when I realised that I used to work on my personality mainly when dramatic events popped up and how much I enjoyed that inner dialogue with myself. I just needed to find a way of keeping that dialogue alive day by day.
When googling for examples, tools, even templates, I got easily overwhelmed by the quantity of random, triggering journaling questions suggested by others like me. Where to start from? Which questions to tackle first? Meanwhile, I joined the Search Inside Yourself training, read about positive psychology and how to set personal goals, practised meditation often, and most importantly I continued iterating my journaling routine based on what I needed.
My current approach: Daily, Weekly & Monthly
I’ve been trying out different frameworks and what I learnt is that I need different self-exploration questions based on the circumstances I’m in: daily (morning and night), weekly (on Sundays) and monthly (last weekend of the month).
Daily
Creating a dear moment of self-reflection every day, a pause for releasing unspoken thoughts and getting familiar with your inner voice.
At the moment, I follow the format proposed in The 6-Minute Diary with two reflection moments, in the morning and at night, complemented with some reflection points I felt were missing. I got The 6-Minute Diary for my most recent birthday and I found it well-structured and easy to follow.
Morning
Before starting the day, a moment full of good intentions.
- I’m grateful for… the 3 things I’m most grateful for. e.g. The cosy feeling that the plants give me in the morning when I drink the coffee in the kitchen
- Today, I will have a great day by… because… To increase the sense of ownership of my day. To be more aware of the positive impact of my actions. e.g. Today I will have a great day by meeting John because I’m sad I haven’t seen him since I’ve been so busy with my new project.
- Daily affirmation… Also called positive affirmations, they are statements that can help overcome self-sabotaging thoughts as well as negative behaviours. By repeating them often, and getting reminded, we’ll be more likely to make positive changes. There’s plenty of literature on how to set-up positive affirmations. I’ve asked myself for a month which behaviours or patterns I would like to change. After listing them down, I picked the most burning one. e.g. I listen to others actively, being present in the moment for them without jumping to quick conclusions.
- The person I’m becoming will experience more… Bullet list of benefits I would experience if the daily affirmation came true. e.g. I will experience more calm and serenity working together with my colleague; I will be able to understand how I can support my colleague/friend better…
- Today, I have the opportunity to be my future self when… e.g. When talking to John I will put my worries and my phone aside when he’s speaking.
Night
Before sleeping, I find some quiet time far from screens (laptop, tablet, smartphone…). A moment for lifting myself out of heavy thoughts to enjoy a pleasant sleep.
- My good action of the day… Often it’s something I didn’t expect. e.g. I water the plants of my neighbour
- What I could do better next time… Anything that didn’t go that well; how will I improve next time? e.g. When John brought up that topic I didn’t like and I couldn’t tell him. I’d like to be more transparent about my feelings when I talk to him.
- What I worry about… That’s an important one to me because I really need to write down things I worry about in a bullet list before sleeping. As simple as that, and it works for me. It’s part of the check-out from the day. e.g. I worry about the talk I will give in a month; I worry about not having too much time to prepare; I worry about not having time for myself.
- Great things I’ve experienced today… just listing down beautiful moments of the day. e.g. I’ve made the best veggie ramen I could ever aim for!
Weekly
Breaking out from the daily routine, clearing the mind of a week of thoughts and enjoying a longer moment of self-reflection.
I normally go through these questions on Sundays instead of the daily routine.
- Significant memories of the week… Anything that got stuck in my memory applies, like a precious moment or an event. e.g. Francesca’s birthday; receiving thoughtful feedback from a colleague; yoga in the basement of a Spanish bar…
- How did the week go? I let myself write openly. e.g. This week was intense but full of nice moments. I felt more engaged at work than usual, perhaps because…
- What went well? Things I’ve achieved, I’ve improved and mastered.
- What could have gone better? Where, in my opinion, I fell a bit short, things I didn’t manage to do or I couldn’t succeed in. Then, I come up with action points for the next week, if needed.
- How I will improve next week… Apart from new input, I also look back at the same list from the previous week. If I feel I haven’t improved some points and they are still relevant then I copy them here.
- Learnings I want to bring with me into the next weeks…(Things that might help me improve next week)
- List down my long-term goals (in 1 year) and mid-term goals (within 6 months)… I repeatedly formulate my goals every week freely, to see how my priorities change with time and how relevant my past goals are. I prefer having rough objectives I’m moving towards and consequentially what I need to do in the mind-term, rather than strict, unmovable goals.
Monthly
Looking at underlying patterns, checking in on your self and cherishing the thoughts of a month.
At the beginning of the month, I ask myself 3 important questions that I took from The 6-Minute Diary.
- What are, currently, the 3 top priorities in my life? After replying, I compare the answer against the goals I’ve been formulating on a weekly basis.
- In which way am I spending my time on things that are not within my priorities? How relevant are they in the immediate future? e.g. I enjoy playing guitar but I won’t spend time on improving my solo technique because it requires too much time compared to how relevant is for me now.
- What do I spend time worrying about? To find out what the major worries are, why they occupy so much space in my life and what I can do either to put them aside or to solve them. Often, a good level of awareness helps me overcome worries.
Some other helpful methods I’ve been using, too
Reflective questions
I use this exercise as a mindfulness technique. Mostly in weekends and when I feel like, I pick a random question, start a 5-minute countdown and write without stopping, following the train of thoughts without paying attention to typos, form or making sense. I don’t expect anything out of this exercise but stimulating thoughts, curiosity and strengthening the ability of improvising, having something to say to an unpredicted question. I like picking questions from the web or books like The 6-Minute Diary. Some examples:
- What makes me smile?
- What am I learning at the moment?
- What are the most significant relationships that have influenced the way I am today? And how?
- What would I do straight away if I wouldn’t worry about the consequences?
Storytelling
Journaling made me discover how much I like writing about my daily life or memories I have. Whenever I feel like it, I engage myself in describing my present moment or something from the past. Others would call it a diary, perhaps. I found nice tips and leading questions on how to tell a story in Do Story published by The Do Book Company. e.g. Tell us something about yourself we wouldn’t otherwise know.
Self-scan: Mind, soul, body
Some years ago I went through many changes at once: I got a new job, I left behind a relationship and moved to an apartment on my own. My mood and body suffered the accumulation of thoughts, feelings and exhaustion to the point that I could no longer extinguish one of these sensations from another. Visualising the origin of the discomfort brought focus and calmness. I’ve tried the following:
Mind level
Any recurrent thought? What am I concerned about and cannot stop thinking of? Where do my thoughts go often today? I start writing openly or visualising the train of thoughts in a sort of mind map.
Emotions level
Leading questions:
- I’m angry that…
- I’m scared that…
- I feel guilty for… /ashamed of…
- I’m sad that…
- I’m glad that…
Body level
The body scan meditation works well for me. Find out more here https://www.headspace.com/meditation/body-scan. Or I’ve just asked myself, what would my body tell me? What would my body need?
Conclusion
What I learned on the way…
- I don’t waste time searching for the final, perfect journaling template. Journaling is just what I need in a specific moment of life; it will always change together with me;
- Since I’m aware when I tend to reinforce negative thoughts while exploring my self, I try to phrase the questions positively;
- By sharing my journaling experience with others I realised the enormous impact that writing had on my self-development; I also made new friends for example by meeting the morning habitués of the cafe;
- Journaling helped me discover my passion for writing;
- I don’t force myself to journal every day, nor to reply to the same questions over and over again. I do as I feel;
- Journaling is a ritual for me. I enjoy every little detail around it, from choosing the pen and the paper, through keeping it with me the whole day, to visiting familiar places in the neighbourhood.
Happy journaling! :)
